Why Am I Not Sleepy???

Wish that I could sleep like this cat. So relax & carefree.

It's 5.45am currently and yet i'm not sleepy at all.

Have been thinking and wondering why??? Why my sister and mum can't get along? Why quarrel almost every other day? Not tired? My sister told me that she will not step into my mum's house or get in touch with her and my eldest brother once my dad is gone. Sigh! What can I say.... Really got no mood to give advise or comment. Don't want my dad to feel sad or worry.

Deep inside my heart, I know that my dad don't have much time left. I just wanna spend more time with him and don't wish to live with regrets. Have been crying every day, seeing my dad suffered in pain makes my heart ache. I wish I could shared his pain n misery. Will be very sad if he's gone.... as I love my dad and I know that I'm his favourite kid too.

If company permit, I really wanna take at least one month leave to take care of him during or after his operation. Just pray hard and hope for the best!

My Attitude Sucks.

Don't know why??? Have been feeling very lousy and hot temper. Flare-up easily to my family members and regretted. I believe they are the cause of it, especially my mum and my granny. Feel rather stressful whenever i'm at her place. Usually i'll visit her at least 3 times a week to now maybe 1 time per week. I'm like dragging myself there, seeing them arguing, cursing and swearing at each other makes my blood boils. Have been thinking to myself recently, why don't they just die. Sigh! So much sufferings for what? If living as a family is like living in hell then might as well leave. Just wonder when my eldest brother will go bonkers and kill my granny???