Why Am I Not Sleepy???

Wish that I could sleep like this cat. So relax & carefree.

It's 5.45am currently and yet i'm not sleepy at all.

Have been thinking and wondering why??? Why my sister and mum can't get along? Why quarrel almost every other day? Not tired? My sister told me that she will not step into my mum's house or get in touch with her and my eldest brother once my dad is gone. Sigh! What can I say.... Really got no mood to give advise or comment. Don't want my dad to feel sad or worry.

Deep inside my heart, I know that my dad don't have much time left. I just wanna spend more time with him and don't wish to live with regrets. Have been crying every day, seeing my dad suffered in pain makes my heart ache. I wish I could shared his pain n misery. Will be very sad if he's gone.... as I love my dad and I know that I'm his favourite kid too.

If company permit, I really wanna take at least one month leave to take care of him during or after his operation. Just pray hard and hope for the best!

My Attitude Sucks.

Don't know why??? Have been feeling very lousy and hot temper. Flare-up easily to my family members and regretted. I believe they are the cause of it, especially my mum and my granny. Feel rather stressful whenever i'm at her place. Usually i'll visit her at least 3 times a week to now maybe 1 time per week. I'm like dragging myself there, seeing them arguing, cursing and swearing at each other makes my blood boils. Have been thinking to myself recently, why don't they just die. Sigh! So much sufferings for what? If living as a family is like living in hell then might as well leave. Just wonder when my eldest brother will go bonkers and kill my granny???

Marching Command

Sedia - stand at attention
Senang Diri - stand at ease
Kekanan pusing - turn right
Kekiri pusing - turn left
Dari Kiri/Kanan Cepat Jalan - March off, while dressing to the left/right (Left, left, left, right, left. Left, left, left right..)
Berhenti - Stop

Being Siblings.............

Is to pay off each other debts from previous life ma??? Buddhist believes that being husband and wife, brother and sister or relatives is to pay off debts. Perhaps that's true. Was very sad last nite to hear my sixth aunty said that my 2nd brother is going to commit suicide soon if he can't settle his financial problems. Have helped him many times and I've my own life too. Why must everyone gives me their problems just because i don't have kids and am stable. I've my own sets of problems too and how are they going to help me? When they have problems, they got wife, kids, sisters to talk to. What have I got??? I can only keep my unhappiness to myself. Really do not know when can I fulfill my dreams and go for lasik? Have told my aunty that I'll help him as much as I can and that's the max that I can do. Without savings, who's going to look after me when I'm old. Really do not know why am I in such a family. Those who are rich refused to help. Can't blame them. Who on earth will wanna help a compulsive gambler? I really hope that my 2nd brother will keep his promise not to gamble any more. So long as he don't gamble, there's always hope and a better 2moro. And no one will look down on you and avoid you. Be a better person, my dear brother. i'm really very very SAD..... so, please help yourself for your own good.

SICK AND TIRED OF WORK PLACE>>>>>>>>

Alot of things had happened at work and I really feel damn lousy and dishearten to go to work. Got to drag myself to work every day. Can't sleep well at nite and has been praying each day that I will not see day light so soon. Cos that will mean that I've to face another day of pain and agony. How not to call for work??? What are some good excuses??? That I'm a danger to others.... I'm contagious........ I won't be productive today as I've menses cramp or You face just make me sick and puke.................. So what if I stay at home??? I'm still afraid of this n that. Fucking loan sharks has been disturbing me. They broke my gate last nite. When can all this nitemare end??? When can I start all over again??? Will humans and GOD give me a chance to do so. I swear that I'll not be miss nice anymore.... I swear that I'll not be softhearted anymore..... I swear that I won't be people's guarantor anymore and I swear upon my life that I'll not lend people $$$$$$ anymore. All the above has caused me misery. Not only to me but my family too. And I'm really sad and sorry. Whatever I do or say now is pointless as the damaged is already there. Sadiq's wife told me that Sadiq has depression. To me, though i sympathize, I think he asked for it. What makes her think that in long run I won't have depression. It could be a good thing that he's being caught now. Worst things could have happened later, who knows. Hope that he'll be a better person after his release. At least, he don't have to worry now where to find or cheat $$$$ to pay this or that person. Take it as a stressless break for you Sadiq. I hope that when you're out of jail, you'll see my blog and return me my $$$. I've helped you to settle alot of your debts. And Lee Ting's 2K too. All of us are a victim. All because of you. I really hate you.

SAD & GROOMY DAY...

I'm really in deep shocked n do not know what to say about Sadiq's case. Sadiq's wife has been calling me wanting to know more about the whole incident n why did Sadiq owe so much $$$$. Told her that I knew nothing n felt sorry for her. She must be in deep shocked too when the police handcuffed Sadiq n brought him home. I'm actually damn tired........... already...... Wanted to catch some sleep but....... Just prayed that everything will be fine for him and all other concierge. Still got plenty of things to settle. Sadiq has left without settling alot of things and I really do not know how???? Stress till head damn pain. Why am i so unlucky. Eyes twitching since morning.... thought bcos I didn't have enough sleep but who knows 'bad ones damn ling and good ones is never ling lor. Going back to office to clear some back end work. I feel so sorry for raffles City. They paid us so well but what have we done to the company. Embezzlement, Cheating and DISGRACE. I really have no face to stay on liao. Damn 'xia sway'. J8 will be thinking, what's our case compared to RC??? My sincere apologies to RC.

Bitchology.

Being a bitch means.......................

I stand up for myself and my beliefs

I stand up for those I love

I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my way

I won't compromise what's in my heart

I live my life my way

I won't allow anyone to step on me

I refuse to tolerate injustice

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be me

So, try to stomp on me, douse my inner flame, Squash every ounce of beauty I hold within

YOU WON'T SUCCEED

And if that means me a bitch, So be it

I embrace the title and I'm proud to be a Bitch!

DEAR EVERYONE,

IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.

I DON'T LIVE TO PLEASE YOU, MORON.

LOOK AT YOURSELF 1ST BEFORE YOU BITCH ABOUT OTHERS

JUDGE ME? I'LL PROVE YOU WRONG

AND YA, BITCH WILL GO FAR

B - BOYS

I - I'M

T - TAKING

C - CHARGE

H - HERE

WELL, AFTERALL IT'S NOT A BAD THING TO BE A BITCH...